I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it hurts more in the daytime
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
