I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
