Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
