im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
its liver damage thursday
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
