I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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