Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
