I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
