I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
