I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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