the condom got lost in my hair
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
