I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
