She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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