Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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