Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
