I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
