It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
