Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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