But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
