I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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