I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
