I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
