If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
