Where did you get a picture of my penis
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
