this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
