I'm so fucking centered right now
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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