woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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