He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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