Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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