Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
