every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
