I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
