I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
