He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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