Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
