ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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