haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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