Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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