I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
