someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
