Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
