you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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