just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I didn't notice because vodka
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
