She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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