You're my little dorito
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
