Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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