hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I party with great urgency now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
