is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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