What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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