I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
