we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
