making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
