I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
