Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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