Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
