We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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