did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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