dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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