i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
