My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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