i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
