we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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