i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize