Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
