my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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