apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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