It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
