Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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