oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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