where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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