first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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