tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
