i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
did you just send me my own nude
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
as a side note pls kill me
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