What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
