You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
