I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
