so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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