I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
