oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
