Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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