Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
