i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
